Hear ye! Hear ye! Serfs and peasants! Thy principality of Idaho Power Corporation (IPC) speaks! Two and some score ago, the kingdom of IPC was created for the common good. Thus we were ordained as a monopoly, meaning whatever offensives we do be for your own goode. We assure thee, this be the present case.

From the far flung borders of our divinely blessed kingdom we hear grumblings from dissenting peasants — led by those in the forbidden Stop B2H. These are scurrilous rumors from the same ill-bred peasants who cooked up the bubonic plague and intend to take your crossbows away. Offensive rumors say that yon Idaho Power CEO, Her Highness Queen Lisa A. Grow (LAG) is worth — thanks to our clever sharecropping arrangement — 5.5 million gold pieces in total compensation for being president and chief executive mucky muck of Idaho Power in 2022. Know that she labors for us all.

Hear ye! There’s that offensive nonsense about the mere $0.0 bond asked by ye olde fed and state agencies for most unlikely damages caused by building our awe-inspiring power line. Bull crape. Ye olde government agencies charge zero because they believe in our wizardry.

Hear ye! Further chin wags abound that the B2H likely will start fires as the gentle yon kingdom of PG&E did start a fire at the olde village of Paradise roasting 86 people. Serfs of low degree murmur that if the kingdom of PG&E would be a person, the penalty would put their head on a stake. This be gossip and be sorely hurtful: It was PG&E’s right to sacrifice the town of Paradise for worthier peasants. Would such happen on the splendid B2H powerline in the far reaches of the IPC kingdom of eastern Oregon? Believe it not.  

Hear ye! In order to condemn your garden plots to extend our beloved archaic electrical system Her Majesty Queen LAG will be sending out representatives this month. Treat them well. The traitorous Stop B2H claim they speak no truths. Rest easy, they be there to assuage ye.

Hear ye! Beware these scabrous rumors:

The kingdom of IPC will spread weeds building the power line. 

Best views of ye historic Oregon Trail will be destroyed.

B2H magnificent power lines will border many villages, but will provide no power to them.

The world is round.  

Hear ye! Anyone caught watering this heretical STOP B2H information — will, like those nasty folke, be hung, drawn, and quartered. 

Hear ye! Royal regrets to the Smithe family for hanging your father for failing to bring his IPC power tithes in goode time. Ye olde bureaucratic SNAFU temporarily misplaced them. 

Hear ye! Body pickup will resume at five bells every day until the plague subsides.

This royal pronouncement ends here due to parchment shortage.

Whit Deschner

Baker City