B2H plan makes my head itch

In order to help us expedite putting up unwanted power lines through your landscape, Large Idaho Corperate Energy Syndicate (LICES) asks you to take a moment and fill out our survey. Check one:

When were you first aware of LICES in your area?

andbull; Run over by LICES truck.

andbull; House bulldozed without warning. Replaced with a pylon.

andbull; Dammed Snake River then reneged on contract to provide fish ladders.

andbull; Garbage was tipped over.

andbull; Daughter became pregnant.

andbull; Tourists stopped coming to store because power lines ruined view of Oregon Trail.

andbull; Offered large sum of money for power line to run through my property.

In what manner did you receive your “gift?”

andbull; Hundreds in paper bag

andbull; Hundreds in plastic bag

andbull; I was only given fifties. What’s the deal?

andbull; I would have preferred a new truck.

andbull; I was only given a Frisbee

Your occupation

andbull; Governor

andbull; BLM mediator

andbull; Ex-governor

andbull; U.S. Senator

andbull; BLM mediator

andbull; Large absentee landowner

andbull; BLM mediator

andbull; Unemployed due to fall in tourism

What movie best describes your encounter with LICES?

andbull; “Nightmare on Elm Street”

andbull; “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”

andbull; “Little Miss Sunshine”

andbull; “Dirty Dancing”

andbull; “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”

andbull; “Frankenstein”

andbull; “Myra Breckenridge”

andbull; “It’s a Wonderful Life”

andbull; All the above

Which strong-arm tactic do you most admire about LICES?

andbull; The way we wait until Christmas holidays to unveil our scheme, knowing that people won’t notice what we are doing.

andbull; The way we plan to string power lines through the Baker County that can be seen from outer space while ignoring local laws and regulations i.e. Oregon’s land-use planning that keeps the land from being subdivided and farmlands protected.

andbull; How we run our power lines through five Oregon counties while sacrificing only one of our counties in Idaho

andbull; Our refusal to admit that EMFs really exist.

andbull; With our power lines, our insistence to destroy the viewscape of the Oregon Trail Interpretive Center, the “crown jewel” of the Oregon Trail historical sites while ruining Baker’s tourism industry.

andbull; Give Baker nothing in return.

andbull; Invent false needs to build power line.

When you think of LICES which song comes closest to your feelings?

andbull; “Feelings” – Morris Albert

andbull; “My Way” – Frank Sinatra

andbull; “Muskrat Love” – Captain and Tennille

andbull; “Big Eyed Beans from Venus” – Captain Beefheart

andbull; “Crazy” – Julio Iglesias

andbull; “Hooked On a Feeling” – David Hasselhoff

andbull; Theme song to Scooby Doo

andbull; “More than a Woman” -Bee Gees

andbull; “It’s a Small Small World” -Disneyland Children’s Chorus

andbull; Piano Concerto #5 in B flat minor Adigio ma non troppo, un poco maestoso/Sergi Rachmaninov

andbull; “Dancing Queen” – ABBA

andbull; “Spirit in the Sky” – Norman Greenbaum

Thank you for your time. Your comments are important to us, well, sort of important to us – at least we’d like to make you think they are important to us. No, actually, they’re not important to us at all. We certainly don’t read them. Do you have any idea how much it costs to throw these questionnaires and all your letters away?

Whit Deschner is a Baker City resident.